Following our exclusive revelations here, regarding the continuing controversy about Gerbil Warming, Saltburn Subversives can exclusively report that certain dissident members of Saltburn's academic community are putting forward an entirely different interpretation of events. In fact they claim to believe that warming is entirely coincidental and the Gerbils have nothing to do with it!
Sea levels swelled, but still they doubted. Temperatures soared, but still they questioned. Glaciers disappeared, yet even so, they refused to believe it was down to the gerbils. But now, the sudden disintegration of a massive Antarctic ice shelf may have convinced even the most hardened skeptics that Earth truly is threatened by Gerbil warming. But Professor Street disagrees.
For example, "If there was before, there can be no doubt now that there is one very obvious reason why all these things are happening," said Dr. Milton Street of the Centre for Climatological Bollocks at Saltburn University. "And that reason is: Because they are. Basically it's just a coincidence."
The numbers supporting Gerbil Coincidence, Street insisted, don't lie. In the last 100 years, while carbon dioxide and methane emissions from Gerbils have surged, the world's average land surface temperature has risen 1.0ºF, and the oceans have risen 6 to 8 inches. "For most people, that would be enough," Street noted. "I mean, right there, all that adds up to a pretty strange coincidence, but coincidence we believe it is."