Female residents of Saltburn were shocked yesterday as news reached them that one of the town's Fireman, (who can't be named for his own safety) had failed to give one of their number a good seeing to yesterday.
Firechief, Paul Wanger told the Subversives. "A full investigation is being carried out and we can assure the Ladies of Saltburn that if any intentional dereliction of duty has taken place disciplinary proceedings will be commenced immediately. It may be the incident took place due to a medical condition. We did all we could at the time, rushing to the scene with the usual Fire Service specialist porno movies and little blue pills but by the time we got there the victim was suffering from shock. We believe that she is still under sedation and staying with friends."
"The lads are having a whip round to get her a new Rabbit for when she recovers," Mr. Wanger continued, "as a gesture of goodwill."
An outraged Joan of 'Only Organics' commented "You just can't rely on anyone these days!"