Friday, 27 July 2007

Death Metal Comes to Saltburn

Organisers have told SS that this year’s Saltburn Music Festival is set to expand yet again. Folk music will remain the biggest draw and centrepiece of the festival but recent years have seen the addition of a Jazz Stage, a Comedy Tent and rave style disco. This year a new Death Metal Stage will see bands appearing at The Mick public House on Wallaby Street. Bands already confirmed are given below.

Corpse Christie
Christian hardcore death metal band fronted by the enigmatic local vicar of St. Darren’s Lonnie Donegan-Cross, Corpse Christi are truly original exponents of the genre. They use their music to promote their own insane version of Christianity and the gospel stories provide surprisingly apt lyrical material for a death metal band. ‘Thorny Crown’, ‘Scourge My Pillar’, ‘Nailed’ and their homage to Kurt Cobain ‘Smells Like Apostle Carcass’ are typical of their work. Not for the faint of heart or, indeed, Richard Dawkins.

Arsehole Detonation
Regular appearances at The Mick have seen this local band rise from nowhere to an appearance on Radio Cleveland’s’ ‘Riffing’ programme within a matter of mere years. Enjoying massive local support, the groups’ cover versions include a medley of songs paying tribute to international rock god and blue plaque nominee David ‘The Perm’ Coverdale. Book your tickets early to avoid disappointment.

Rite of Sayten
Doom-laden riffs and sinister low-registered vocals from local auctioneer John Sayten and his latest outfit. Their latest material offers a new take on the genre. Titles from their new CD, ‘Gut the Chesterfield’, ‘Boxes of Shite’, ‘Rusty Tool Abuser’ and ‘Fucked Dining Suite’, provide a flavour of the key themes. The band will also be offering a smattering, or should that be splattering, of covers. Just make sure you don’t talk when he’s playing.

Devilled Kidney
Covers band with a difference, the Kidney play mainstream pop death style. The lyrics are adapted too but there’s no mistaking the original numbers. Expect heavy, heavy versions of Yes’ ‘Owner of a Dodgy Heart’, Elvis Costello’s ‘Oliver’s Broken Army’, Guns n’ Roses ‘Parasite City’ and Abba’s ‘Have You got the Shites Fernando’.

Rancid Pussfuckers
Expect controversy and mayhem from this Skinningrove quartet who recently hit the national news when the Police, instructed by the Health and Safety Executive, closed down one of their gigs in Great Ayton. The climax of their show features the mad metallers head-banging to their anthem ‘Lanced Boil’ which reached number 7 in the Kerrang chart. Unfortunately, the group’s stage props were not to taste of the authorities. During the final chorus a huge bucket marked ‘cyst effluent’ appeared on stage at which point singer, Norman Cadaver, began throwing it at the audience. The Fuckers were released after it later transpired that they had earlier made a secret bulk purchase of homemade pea soup from Saltburn’s Only Organics.

Talks are still ongoing to secure other acts. Local bands tipped to appear are New Marske cross-over garage death-punk band Wank, Tapeworm fronted by Saltburn Hospital Radio DJ Steven Ulcer and Redcar’s Knob Vessel. Acts from further afield are rumoured to include Sweden’s Scombid Artery, a three-piece band from Belgium called Grunt, Anaesthetist from Plymouth and Mancunian doom merchants Terminal Tumour.


Stephanie Paul King said...

Shame we couldn't get The Butthole Symptoms. I always liked 'Grapes of Wrath' from their great 3rd album. 'Colonoscopy.'

Blogmeister said...

Don't discount the possibility that they might be booked as surprise special guests!