A Politician Writes

Councillor Jack Daw, leader of the local council has provided Saltburn Subversives with an 'All Purpose' statement to be used in response to any tragedy, from a terrorist attack to a cat stuck up a tree. All we have to do is fill in the blanks as appropriate, apparently. Here it is.


'Of course [insert details of unfortunate event or events] are a uniquely tragic event, and it is vital that we never lose sight of the human tragedy involved. However, we must also consider if this is not also a lesson to us all; a lesson that my political views are correct. Although what is done can never be undone, the fact remains that if the world were organised according to my political views, this tragedy would never have happened.

Many people will use this terrible tragedy as an excuse to put through a political agenda other than my own. This tawdry abuse of human suffering for political gain sickens me to the core of my being. Those people who have different political views from me ought to be ashamed of themselves for thinking of cheap partisan point-scoring at a time like this. In any case, what this tragedy really shows us is that, so far from putting into practice political views other than my own, it is precisely my political agenda which ought to be advanced.'

(if you liked that read the original in full here. Brilliant)