Monday, 7 May 2007

ASBOs for Birds in Dawn Chorus Crackdown

The government has come in for considerable criticism over the way in which Antisocial Behaviour Orders have been perceived as an attack on young people but nobody could accuse Redcar and Cleveland's new council of taking a blinkered approach.

Their trailblazing policy aspires to nothing less than the eradication of nuisance noise emanating from feathered creatures in the middle of the night. In his declaration of war on early morning birdish revelry, Councillor Jack Daw, Cabinet Member for Serenity and Dog Shit, told Mawk of the Frown:

'Nobody on the doorstep mentioned the Iraq war, climate change or even the introduction of yet another type of bin for the recyling of meringues and other spongeless cakes. The biggest issue by far was people being woken up unceremoniously between 4 or 5 o' clock by damn birds. It's especially bad at this time of year. This week alone we slapped ASBOs on 5 blackbirds, 3 chaffinches, 6 robins, 2 songthrushes and a particularly squawky blue tit. These birds show no respect or consideration for anybody but themselves and their selfish attempts to attract mates.'

Residents with information about any carousing birds in their neighbourhood should ring the council's 24-hour Birdline on 012827 6257482.


birdman said...

Silly beggars. This is what they need..

shoot 'em I say.

Cllr Jack Daw said...

We're introducing a motion at the Conservative conference this year to bring back the cat o' nine tails for any birds chirping between the hours of midnight and 8 am.

Don't whether we get it past Cameron though - he's gone all soft and wet on us.

Saltburn subversives said...

But you're in the labour party jack