Tuesday, 8 May 2007

Council Controversy

Councillor Jack Daw was embroiled in further controversy last night as he proposed the installation of an atomic cannon on Huntcliffe, aimed at Skelton.

'I am proposing this as official council policy to act as a deterrent, only to be used as a last resort' he said, outside the town hall. 'We all know something needs to be done!'

Councillor Robbo Johnson, leader of the opposition, disagreed. 'Mr. Daw has obviously stopped taking his medication' he said. 'It's an outrageous suggestion. The loss of income to the council from the scrap value of abandoned cars in Skelton, if it was obliterated would be disasterous! Council Tax would have to go up! The people of Saltburn won't wear it!'

We took a quick straw poll of residents to see how they view the matter.

PC Stanley Mole, Saltburn's Community Police Officer said, 'This proposal is superficially attractive, there is no doubt that crime rates would fall dramatically throughout the East Cleveland Area but I don't fancy redundancy and would urge the people of Saltburn to oppose it.'

We also spoke to to Jimmy Trilby, manager of Smurfield's Supermarket, who said, 'But what would we do with all these frozen pizzas? We have an entire warehouse full, earmarked for Skelton. And It'll mean job losses at the pot-noodle factory!'

Fred Beetroot said 'I want one of them for my allotment. That'll sort Jimmy Horace out, the fu!??ng c%nt!'

Joan of 'Only Organics' said 'Oohh, what a lovely big bang that would be!'

Colonel Betty Threepwood was more positive 'I've been advocating this policy since 1953. I remember it well. I was in the parachute regiment you know. We'd just been demobbed and I...oh dear I'll have to go home, I think I left my husband in the microwave again. He will be cross!'

This controversy will obviously run and run. To air your view, leave a comment.


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