He may boast the largest hen coup in Saltburn but last night Jimmy Horace, affectionately known as 'Fucking Cunt', pulled off a coup of a very different kind. With temperatures rising at the Annual General Meeting of Saltburn Allotments Asphyxiation, he roasted current chairperson (apologies to Theresa May) when he proclaimed:
'Enough of this breezeblock envy and sapling jealously! Vote Jimmy and it'll be free Talisker's for all'
Fred Beetroot, ousted chairperson, is rumoured to be grassing him up for drunken rotor-vating.
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