Thursday, 14 June 2007

New Nursing Home in Saltburn

Saltburn will get its first nursing home for Post Modernists with round-the-clock monitoring by doctors and a team of psychiatrists to help aging lecturers and academics cope with the real world, a pet products company has said.

Owners pay £500 a month to keep their post modernists at the Care Home for Brain Dead Lefties which opens Friday, according to a statement by the home's owner Benny Wittgenstein.

Psychiatrists at the home will offer round-the-clock monitoring, and residents will be fed specially fortified food, the release said.

The home, which can accept 20 humanities graduates at one time, will also employ puppies to play with the post modernists to help them keep fit and feel younger, the release said.

Analysts say that a boom in pet ownership in Cleveland, coupled with better health care and a more balanced diet, has led to a surge in elderly academics in the area.

That has spurred doting owners to turn to vitamins, aromatherapy and even acupuncture to help their companions through their old age.

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