The Vicar of Saltburn Parish Church, the Reverend Lonnie Donnegan-Cross was involved in an extraordinary scene at the annual 'Church Barbecue and Ironing Contest' at the week end.
In a conversation in the beer tent with our Irrational Religious Beliefs Correspondent, Ophelia Box and between pints of Colonel Betty Threepwood's 'Special Home Brew', the vicar said,
"I'm sick of this bloody religion lark. My wife's the best fu%king ironer in the district and she never gets a look in! Those judges are fuc%@ing biased, I'm telling you! (Hic!) I've always suspected there might not be a God," he continued after returning from the bar for the third time in twenty minutes, " this just proves it once and for all! And what about the fact that it always pisses down with rain at church functions! What kind of God would do that?"
At this point the Vicar was sick on the entries in the 'Ladies' Lace Underwear section'.
Our correspondent Ophelia Box contacted the Bishop of Yorkshire for his comments only to be told "Of course there is no God. Belief in God has always been optional in the Church of England. just don't tell any of the 'faithful', silly sods. And would you like to see me in full regalia? You'd particularly like my stockings!"