Readers are reminded that the Lavatorial Orientation Regulations come into force from the 1st 0f September with which all new buildings must comply. This means that all new buildings must be built in such a way as not to offend Muslims in that the toilets must not face Mecca. They must be specially designed so that they do not face South East.
Councillor Jack Daw, now recovering from his recent bout of Tri-Bellicose Monomania said, "Saltburn Town Council is determined to stamp out the entirely fictional curse of islamaphobia and as such is proud to be associated with this government initiative. Frankly we don't mind how much of other people's money we spend playing this absurd game of gesture politics and holier than thou"
Monday, 6 August 2007
Sunday, 5 August 2007
Library News
The library sex hot line, as detailed here, has been a run away success, according to town Librarian Maggie Wood.
"The hot line has been so successful that we have been able to substantially increase our collection of Victorian erotica," she said.
"We thought it might be time to do something for the ladies, so in September every book, CD or DVD that we lend to a lady Library member will be accompanied by a saucy picture of a Fireman!"
she continued. "We've printed a large number of extra membership application forms in anticipation of an increase in demand."
"The hot line has been so successful that we have been able to substantially increase our collection of Victorian erotica," she said.
"We thought it might be time to do something for the ladies, so in September every book, CD or DVD that we lend to a lady Library member will be accompanied by a saucy picture of a Fireman!"
she continued. "We've printed a large number of extra membership application forms in anticipation of an increase in demand."
Saturday, 4 August 2007
Thursday, 2 August 2007
Saltburn Country Women's Association
Twenty six ladies of the Saltburn Association met on the fifth of July.
Jayne Smythe won the items in a matchbox competition with 91 items of various descriptions being fitted into a small matchbox. Allegations of box tampering were dismissed after a steward's enquiry. Jayne's long time rival, Betty Harpingon was disqualified after failing a routine drugs test and is now facing a ban of six months. Our congratulations to Jayne who won a bottle of wine and a fireman's phone number.
This month's meeting takes place on the seventh of August. The committee has asked us to point out that although the usual 'Bingo-Wings' competition will be taking place, anyone found to have consumed an inordinate number of Pot Noodles or peanut butter will be disqualified.
May the best lady win!
Jayne Smythe won the items in a matchbox competition with 91 items of various descriptions being fitted into a small matchbox. Allegations of box tampering were dismissed after a steward's enquiry. Jayne's long time rival, Betty Harpingon was disqualified after failing a routine drugs test and is now facing a ban of six months. Our congratulations to Jayne who won a bottle of wine and a fireman's phone number.
This month's meeting takes place on the seventh of August. The committee has asked us to point out that although the usual 'Bingo-Wings' competition will be taking place, anyone found to have consumed an inordinate number of Pot Noodles or peanut butter will be disqualified.
May the best lady win!
Wednesday, 1 August 2007
Urgent Request from the Fire Brigade.
Saltburn Firechief, Paul Wanger has been in touch with the Subversives to warn of a spate of chimney fires in the town lately. He's told us that the brigade is being called out two or three times a day to burning chimneys in Saltburn and householders are being advised to take more care when lighting their fires and to ensure that their chimneys are swept regularly.
"My men are only human", he told us, "there are only so many times that a fireman can insert his hose into a chimney. Frankly my men are approaching the point of exhaustion!"
So ladies, please take more care when you need warming up and make sure that things don't get out of control.
"My men are only human", he told us, "there are only so many times that a fireman can insert his hose into a chimney. Frankly my men are approaching the point of exhaustion!"
So ladies, please take more care when you need warming up and make sure that things don't get out of control.
Quack of the Month Award
This month's Quack of the month award goes to Katherine Fu whose website is here. Check out the price list! Brilliant! If only we all had the front to charge this sort of money for a load of bullshit. We'd all be rich.
Katherine scores 8 out of ten on the Quackometer which states
"This web site has more quackery than my village pond. It shows no sceptical awareness and so should be treated with a suspicious mind.,"
The usual bucket of cow dung is on the way to you Katherine!
NB We do need the bucket back. Recent awardees have not been very cooperative in this respect. We feel we must point out that this blog is run on a shoestring. We cannot continue to make these awards unless we get the bucket back. Afterall there are so-o-oo many bullshit merchants in Saltburn (and surrounding area- Katherine!), we'd soon be bankrupt otherwise!
Katherine scores 8 out of ten on the Quackometer which states
"This web site has more quackery than my village pond. It shows no sceptical awareness and so should be treated with a suspicious mind.,"
The usual bucket of cow dung is on the way to you Katherine!
NB We do need the bucket back. Recent awardees have not been very cooperative in this respect. We feel we must point out that this blog is run on a shoestring. We cannot continue to make these awards unless we get the bucket back. Afterall there are so-o-oo many bullshit merchants in Saltburn (and surrounding area- Katherine!), we'd soon be bankrupt otherwise!
Monday, 30 July 2007
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